God gave me another ah-ha moment today. I was frustrated with Lily. I had told her for the trillionth time to not jump on the sofa or she would fall and get hurt. I told her she shouldn't even be standing up there. It was a baaaaaaad idea. Of course I left for a minute and heard the thud and then the crying. I came back in, consoled her and had a chat with her. I reminded her that mommy and daddy make up the rules to help them to not get hurt. She didn't listen to me, she did what she wanted "thinking it was safe" and ended up getting hurt. Trying to show compassion I didn't say anything to her like "Well duh!!!!". I was instantly taken to a conversation with God about the same thing. He doesn't make up his guidelines to be a cosmic kill joy. He knows what is best for us and doesn't want us to get hurt. Makes me feel so completely stupid that I myself act like a two year old still at times with my life. I am so grateful that God is compassionate with me and I pray that I will become that compassionate with my children. Sadly we don't have the ah-has until we fall off the sofa, bang our head on the coffee table and get dizzy as we cry in pain. That old country song about "one step forward and two steps back" feels like my my life pretty much from 18 on. Consistently inconsistent. It is what I am good at. Hopefully, prayerfully I will get better at this with age. I hope to be an example to my children of not doing the same stupid thing over and over and getting hurt over and over without "getting a clue". I want the clue. I want wisdom and discernment. I want to grow and actually be in a different place this time next week, next month, next year...I know how to get there, I just keep tripping.
Thank you Father for reminding me of your faithful, compassionate love for me and for knowing what is best for me, even now.