Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Second Act...

The second act will begin shortly, just after a brief intermission….

 This summer has been a summer of blessings.  It would take too long to list all the ways God has blown me away this summer, but I can testify that God sure does take care of His own.  The last three years have been a roller coaster.  Some valleys, some mountain tops and a whole lot of coasting and clinging to Jesus.  I can say that I have learned to delight in my Savior and in His word in a way I haven’t before.  Being a “good Christian girl”, I frequently had my “quiet times with God” because I knew it was the right thing to do, because I wanted to learn and have that time with Him.  But, I would say through the pain of "being left", I  have truly learned and been able to experience truly delighting in the Lord.  My mother had taught me the Bible verse years ago: “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” Psalm 37:4.  I even sat through an entire Beth Moore simulcast about that particular verse but don’t think I truly understood the “delighting” part until this year.

A new chapter of my life is beginning shortly.  This end of my Alimony years/Being a stay-at-home mom is soon to be over.  What will I do next?  I haven’t the foggiest! I am praying for wisdom, direction and doors to be opened.  

I continue to learn about forgiveness.  God is so very good to give us extra chances and I am desperately learning and trying to understand how to take that overwhelming sense of gratitude I have to Him for His forgiveness of me, and transfer that to those I know I need to forgive the most. This summer I have been brought to my knees like never before. Having God humble you is just not fun, but I wouldn't trade that experience in for anything.  Whatever it takes to chip away anything in me that needs to be chipped away at...I am willing.

I know my heart’s desire. God knows my heart’s desire. Many of you know my heart’s desire. But only God knows when THAT particular chapter of my life will begin.  But now, during this intermission, I am learning to love my Savior like never before.  I used to watch people in church who I could tell were just praising Jesus with complete abandonment, not a care in the world, just in awe of their King.  I thought that was nice that they were so on fire for Jesus.  But, somewhere in me, I guess I still cared a little bit what people would think if everyone in the church was sitting and I was the only one standing there, hands high in the sky, with tears running down my face.  These days, I can’t seem to make it through church without tears, not the tears of pain and abandonment, but tears of awe and gratitude.  “How great, how awesome is He”!

I have tried to journal the past three years for my kids so they could see all the ways God has provided.  So they would be able to read back one day on how their mommy learned to make God her strength, her joy and her delight.  I know myself,  I know I will probably screw up in some way in the next 24 hours, but Thank God his mercies are new every morning.  Since the divorce rate is so very high these days, I know, sadly, that I will see more people I know go through what I went through. I am definitely not saying I have arrived, but I can say what helped me.  I can share that the only way to make it through is to cling to Jesus, let Him heal your heart and clean out whatever ugly there is inside of you that needs to be cleaned out.

If God ever decides to send romantic love my way, from a man that Loves the Lord above all else, I look forward to honoring God by honoring my future husband.  For now,  I am trying to make my home a Christ centered home.  I am excited though about my kids one day seeing our home led by a man that loves Jesus so very much and can encourage them daily in their walks as well. 

Whatever happens in my future, I know God will be with my family.  I wish I could so clearly convey to my friends who do not know Jesus, just how very real and awesome He is.  He has blown us away this summer.  I have loved the past few weeks being able to tell any single person who would listen about what God has done for me and my kids recently. I just love being able to testify!

Pray for us the next thirty days with all the changes that will be taking place that we continue to grow, delight, and cling to Him.

"I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8