It is time to write down my thoughts. This morning my father said to me (with props/visual aids) that you have to stop trying to give your heart to someone if they keep saying "no thank you" and then try again and they say no thank you....eventually you will meet someone and without even thinking or planning it you will each want to talk to each other more and will both be giving the "heart cup" back and forth to each other and it won't have to be pushed, or rejected or even planned. This is wise advice.
BTW: Did I mention today's post is more of a journal entry.
I spoke with one of my dearest friends this week and said that I seem to have a pattern of really wanting someone after they reject me, even more so than before. So, this is not a good healthy pattern. I have had too much heart ache in the last year...from 1) someone who had promised to love me and then 2) from someone else that I believed actually did. (didn't see that one coming)
So what now? I wait, I prepare myself for the prince to come that God has for me. If I knew that one year today we would meet then down the line live happily ever after, what would I do in preparation. I would heal from my hurts, I would spend that time with God every day that I know I need to spend, I would get healthy/skinny/in shape so on my wedding day I am not horrified by the pictures and so I don't mind someone seeing me naked!! Oh come on, you knew that was coming from me! So, I have decided that 2011 is the year of preparation. A time to start good patterns and let go of old ones, let go of lost loves, lost hurts and lost gift cards (that I really wish would appear so I could go shopping for new skinny 2012 me).
I also need to make the most of my time with my children now, not wait and hold out to make fun memories once there is a man around. Lord, Help me with that one! (as well as all the other things I mentioned above).
Preparations have begun...