The Van

Well today is the day. I go from the driver of a Nissan Altima to a Plymouth Voyager minivan. The van (minus the engine)was given to us by my mother when she bought a new one and we just used our tax refund to get it a engine. This afternoon we go to pick it up. I am so very grateful for this so that this soon to be family of five (holy cow) can ride together in the car. Have to admit I am having a mini identity crisis. It will be over by tomorrow I am sure. .

I was trying to think of ways that I could "funk it out" a bit but realize that may just make it look stupid. I am sure there is some way to try to make it my own, not sure what that is yet. I actually googled "how to make your minivan seem cooler" and there weren't any answers!!! There was one article saying that minivans are evil though. I hope one day we can upgrade to an SUV of sorts.

I am grateful that God has blessed me with little ones and hope to be the best mommy ever to them. It is a learning process for sure. I do not have it all figured out yet. I keep having to apologize for different things. Thankfully my sweet children say things like, "It is ok mommy, I forgive you". I am reading through and studying Esther right now. I am reminded of when Mordecai is encouraging Esther to get on with it and says something like, "who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" I will just have to consider this minivan my "throne", or my chariot. It is a symbol of God's blessings. My reminder of the stage of my life I am in, be thankful for it and truly treasure every moment of it. From car line to playground.

I may add some funky daisies to the mirror or a kickin' stereo just for fun.

Well duh!!!!

God gave me another ah-ha moment today. I was frustrated with Lily. I had told her for the trillionth time to not jump on the sofa or she would fall and get hurt. I told her she shouldn't even be standing up there. It was a baaaaaaad idea. Of course I left for a minute and heard the thud and then the crying. I came back in, consoled her and had a chat with her. I reminded her that mommy and daddy make up the rules to help them to not get hurt. She didn't listen to me, she did what she wanted "thinking it was safe" and ended up getting hurt. Trying to show compassion I didn't say anything to her like "Well duh!!!!". I was instantly taken to a conversation with God about the same thing. He doesn't make up his guidelines to be a cosmic kill joy. He knows what is best for us and doesn't want us to get hurt. Makes me feel so completely stupid that I myself act like a two year old still at times with my life. I am so grateful that God is compassionate with me and I pray that I will become that compassionate with my children. Sadly we don't have the ah-has until we fall off the sofa, bang our head on the coffee table and get dizzy as we cry in pain. That old country song about "one step forward and two steps back" feels like my my life pretty much from 18 on. Consistently inconsistent. It is what I am good at. Hopefully, prayerfully I will get better at this with age. I hope to be an example to my children of not doing the same stupid thing over and over and getting hurt over and over without "getting a clue". I want the clue. I want wisdom and discernment. I want to grow and actually be in a different place this time next week, next month, next year...I know how to get there, I just keep tripping.

Thank you Father for reminding me of your faithful, compassionate love for me and for knowing what is best for me, even now.

Things to do before I die.

List of things I want to do before I die...

(not in any special order)

1. Learn how to surf.
2. Sing the national anthem in a big stadium
3. Be on a billboard
4. Write a book
5. Go to Capri, Italy
6. Number 6 is a GREAT one but I am not gonna reveal it to ya. ;)
7. Learn how to cook seafood. Never done it.
8. Be able to do a back hand spring (could never get it in HS, all the other cheerleaders could)
9. Take my kids with me on a mission trip.


I am sure there is more, I just can't think of them today. TTFN.

T'lee

Did I just say that?

So you have probably heard of the phrase, "having diarrhea of the mouth", right? I realize that is a crude visual so I apologize. But, my point in bringing this is is I have a pattern with my blogging to say something and then wake up the next morning and wish I could erase whatever I just shared the night before. It reminds me of the first boy I said "I love you" to in high school who replied with, "That's cute!" Yikes! There is just no rewind button on life. Thankfully I am great at keeping others secrets in case you were wondering. I am just great at sharing a lot of info. about my heart and my life and wearing it all on my sleeve. Some people appreciate this. They know they can talk to me about anything and that I dont' have a topic that is really off limits. Some people don't really appreciate my candor about everything. OH well, what are you gonna do. I thought I'd add a few things to the "Things I love list", just for kicks and giggles. So here goes...don't worry I won't mention anything "INAPPROPRIATE". That is on a completely different blog, just kiddin'.

1. I love laying in my nicely remodeled spa tub (with awesome jets)reading People magazine.
2.I love My pillow. It is a special kind with a hole in the middle. Got it for Christmas. Matt bought one for me because my good buddy Michele had one so I wanted one too. :-) It rocks. It is like having a DVR, once you have one you can never go back. I had a Garfield comic for years on my fridge that had Garfield saying, "Eating makes me sleepy, sleeping makes me hungry, Life is good". So true.
3. I love Dessert at Melting Pot. Matt knows at this stage in our marriage to not interrupt my enjoyment of the fondue experience with chit chat. I like to close my eyes and really savor the chocolate. OK, moving on...
4. I love musical movies. Hairspray, Moulan Rouge, Grease 2, Sister Act 2 and even HSM 2. I apparently am a fan of musical sequels since I really prefer all the second ones. The best of the best is Cool Rider from Grease 2. I imagine it is me up on that ladder singing my heart out.

Good night friends and family, rest well. Gonna go read my People Magazine now.

About an email...

(I wrote this late at night, I hope no one takes it too personally.)

So I got an email tonight that said this...

There comes a point in your life when you realize
who matters,
who never did,
who won't anymore...
and who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

I am sure you've gotten this email poem before and will probably again from someone.

If you had read my blog two weeks ago you would know I am realllllly good at worrying about stupid things that end up being no big deal. (This is where Matt chimes in with "That's because you're a woman!" :-) This above little poem thingy got me thinking. Of course it is late and Matt is at station and I have a hard time going to sleep when he is gone. I know that I should probably NOT do my deep thinking now and then broadcast it to all of humanity (my 7 friends that actually read this), but I am doing it the freak anyway because I just don't want to try to sleep yet. Anyway, about the poem. I waste time trying to make friendships happen that maybe were not meant to happen. The whole idea of, "if they aren't banging down your door, sending you emails, calling you etc. I should not be making all the efforts I am making. I know there are some downright amazing people that I really haven't taken enough time to get to know and I really should do that instead. I am blessed by those that DO make the effort. Those that get up early to go to my Lupus walk,(with heart felt tears, thank you), those that sit with me in a hospital waiting room for 8 hours waiting for the Surgeons update, those that love me and listen to me when they KNOW I am making bad choices and yet still love me and listen, to you all I will be forever grateful.

About the line above in the poem about the past...well, I think I will just leave that there.(Unless I can't sleep and I need something to think about ;)

Growing Up in my 30's: Time stand still

Growing Up in my 30's: Time stand still

Time stand still

Time stand still...

In just two days, my precious five year old daughter will start kindergarten. I am so happy that she has survived five years after having such a rough beginning to her little life. But, I am sad that she won't be here at my house to play with all day every day. I know that she is a social child and will love school but I am still a bit bummed about it all. I am amazed at her little mind and her desire to learn new things. I know that she will far exceed our expectations for her. I am not worried about her adjustment, just mine. I remember two years ago when she started preschool. I was desperately wishing I could make time stand still and keep her home with me a little longer. Eventually I got used to and enjoyed having a little time to get stuff done while she was off playing and learning. Kindergarten is a much bigger deal. It is a long day. I know she will get tired and at times will want her mommy. I know God made this sweet girl with a servant's heart and a desire to help others. I can see her sitting by friends showing them how to do things and offering to pick up after others.

The other 2% I am worried about is myself. I confess ahead of time that this is shallow. There are the concerns of "what if all the other moms already know each other?" and "what if they are all available to come help during the day and I can't?" "will I miss out and they will all end up being BFF except me?". "Will they all have on perfect Ann Taylor ironed clothes? " Oh my gosh1 These families might actually iron their clothes? Do I even own an iron? Anyway, the mom factor feels like high school and school hasn't even started yet! High school was not fun the first time and I really don't want to re-live it. At some point I will choose to look at this all with spiritual eyes and pray about it all, but not today. Today I am having a little tiny freak out.

One of my favorite things to do at night with Matthew is go into the girls' room and look at them one more time before we go to bed. They are always sleeping in some funny position and it always makes us giggle. What amazing sweet gifts from God. Arn't you glad that God doesn't give us gifts based upon what we deserve? I never thought I would end up with my own flesh and blood children and now I have not one but two! God is good. He has carried Samantha through so much already I know He will carry her through Kindergarten, and first grade, and second, .....